| 2012 Holiday Spectacular | |
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| Episode 191 | |
Vital statistics
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| Release date | December 17, 2012 |
| Hosted by | Scott Aukerman |
| Guests | Harris Wittels |
| Characters | Bjork |
Episode guide
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| Previous | Next |
| You Know What I Mean? | Best of 2012 Pt. 1 |
Peace on earth and Good WIll Hunting on Blu Ray. "2012 Holiday Spectacular" is episode 191 of Comedy Bang! Bang! Hosted by Scott Aukerman, it stars guests Harris Wittels, Paul Rust, Bjork (Matt Besser), Ice-T (Paul F. Tompkins), Liz (Nick Kroll), and Bill Cosby-Bukowski (Jon Daly). "2012 Holiday Spectacular" was released on December 17, 2012.
Earwolf Synopsis[]
It’s that time of year where you try to not get burned when roasting chestnuts over an open fire and have the whole family gather round the ol’ computer for a special holiday podcast treat! Scott welcomes fan favorite Harris Wittels as he tells us about his new book/stocking stuffer Humblebrag: The Art of False Modesty and showcases a brand new edition of Harris’ Foam Corner. Bjork, Neil Young, and Billy Braggart serenade us with some holiday cheer and Paul Rust has a couple of New Ho Ho Hos for us. Ice-T gives us a history lesson on Santa Claus and Bill Cosby-Bukowski makes up a holiday themed Jelloem. Then first timer Liz joins in on the festivities to talk about her new reality show “Publicity.” Merry Christmas!
Introduction[]
Scott introduces Harris as his co-host for the whole show, he talks about his new book Humblebrag:The Art of False Modesty. Scott comes up with the idea for an iPad Maxi, Harris asks if that is a joke about MaxiPads, Scott tries to convince him it's not but he's skeptical.
Harris's Phone Corner[]
Some examples of the foam from Harris' phone include:
- "People who pronounce the h in wheat should pronounce the h after the w instead of saying hweat they should say w-heat."
- "You know Amazon, the website? What does Amazon, the website, look like in person? That's gotta be one big room, huh?"
- "When people say 'there's been studies' let's be honest there's been one study. I don't think a lot of people read multiple studies on things."
- "In life if someone farts, you laugh at it. But in a public bathroom everyone is farting and being serious. Why is it not funny in there? Everyone's just like, yep, this is usual. I hate that people think it's ok to go into public bathrooms and be horses."
- "Hey Brussels sprouts and broccolini--enjoy your fifteen minutes!"
Bjork Sings Silent Night[]
Bjork tells Scott about disliking the holiday season because all of the ice and snow disappears from Iceland to fulfill the wishes of Americans who wish and pray for a white christmas since the Demon Warlock Bing Crosby released his hit song. Bjork sings a version of Silent Night in a mash-up with her song It's Oh So Quiet. Bjork asks Harris "Are you a little Jew?" and tells him about how in Iceland if you catch a Jew and put it in a little bottle they will grant you 3 wishes.
New Ho-Ho-Hos[]
Paul mention his new books It's Enough! and Stop It Already! which came out on December 26. Some of Paul's New Ho-Ho-Hos include:
- New No-No! If you're not gonna follow your blinker I will, someones gotta follow that blinker moron!
- New No-No! If you're literally gonna use the word literally wrong, then I'll literally embroider you a message and literally hang it on my wall and look at it and the message will say literally and you will never see this sign. New No No! Literally's are stitches now!
- New No-No! For every minute you're late next time I meet you I'm coming one minute early! I like fruit, I like cake, I even like the fruitcake, so if I love it why you giving me so much?
- New Ho-Ho-Ho! I am sick and tired of this christmas music being piped into our elevators in shopping malls I'd like to be the DJ instead of "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" why not "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus?"
The Story of Santer Klantz[]
Comedy Bang Bang - Ice-T and the Myth of Santer Klantz
The Myth of Santer Klantz
Neil Young stops by and tells Scott he thinks he doesn't get high anymore because he thinks he is dying. Ice-T comes in dressed as Santer Klantz. Scott asks if around the holidays he ever sings Silver Bells to Richard 'the Belz' Belzer, he says he does on a regular basis but the Belz hates it. Ice-T talks about the myth of Santer Klantz the version of Santa Claus in the Maldives.
Bill Cosby-Bukowski's Bad Year[]
Bill Cosby-Bukowski talks about having a bad year because his son Theo lost out to Cockroach on the TV show Dance Mania, he spiralled into a depression, couldn't stop listening to Jamming on the One, horded pudding in his closet, grew a beard and ran around town saying "This is your last Malcolm-Jamal warning!". His daughter Vanessa married a gay man who came out of the closet and Lisa Bonet hasn't been working enough for how good she is.
Ice-T asks Dr Cosby-Bukowski about Fat Albert as he is worried about his weight problem, Neil Young points out it comes in handy when playing Buck-Buck. Harris asks what Buck-Buck is Dr Cosby-Bukowski explains "it's a schoolyard game which involves 'pudding' a child into the centre of a number of children... and trying to buck buck them up." Harris keeps finishing Ice-T's thoughts leading to them imagining if they were dating and eating Spaghetti Lady and the Tramp style. Ice-T asks Harris if his book is recycable he says "It is but recycling is bullshit", Bill Cosby-Bukowski says he "saw a YouTube video about how the ozone layer is actually made of pudding but I don't think its fucking right".
New No-Nos[]
Talk of Sonny Bono leads Paul Rust into his New Bo-No/No-No segment.As usual Paul is variously ticked, peeved and cheesed. Some of the New No-Nos include,
- New Bo-No! Sonny
- New Bo-No! the lead singer of U2 IF you mispronounce his name.
- New No-No! I should be able to take a little scissors and cut open the tube and peel it back, then take the toothe paste out and put it on a shelf and say "that's what you did, that's what you earn. New No-No! the toothpaste is my deity now.
Bill Cosby-Bukowski the Jelloet[]
Bill Cosby-Bukowski is forced to re-establish he is not Bill Cosby or Charles Bukowski, and asks Scott "how much of you is Scott and how much is Aukerman?" He reads one of his Jelleoms:
"Christmas what are you gonna do, it's miserable, you come down stairs, you see your family, gathered around the christmas tree, you say get out of the house, you throw them out in the cold, you pull out your penis and you pee all over your rug, then you puke into your sink and then you say merry christmas and you go to sleep."
Tension Between Bjork and Liz[]
Billy Braggart sings a medley of Christmas songs. Bill Cosby-Bukowski mentions that he loves Dick Wolf and he loves Wolf dick. Liz comes in and claims she feels uncomfortable with all men to which Bjork repys "I am a woman you cunt". Liz also talks about her struggles with weight which leads Bjork to call her fatty. Ice-T asks Liz who she would like to promote as a publicist, she says she would like to promote an event for Dolphins to get the same rights as Sharks because for her its about charity and getting shoes for Dolphins and also something funnier. Harris asks Liz if there is a buzz about her show yet Bjork says "she is so fat that people can already see the show".
Plugs Section[]
Paul Rust plugs his website YouTirade.com. In a pre-plug early in the episode Liz plugs Cupcakes for Canine Cancer, Ice-T plugs rapping and acting, Bjork asks him if there is an extra special rape for the holiday season on his TV show. Dr. Frasier Boss stops by to mention his podcast #230PST which he does withTim Heidecker, he is unsure whether Boss will be coming back and is disappointed when Scott informs him it has been cancelled.
Plugs Theme: Joy to the Plugs by Laura Veglia