List of Recurring Jokes

There are multiple recurring jokes and bits on Comedy Bang! Bang!, probably best described as self-referential humor or in-jokes. This page is an incomplete list.

For a list of other recurring features on the show, see Recurring Segments .

Catchphrases

Catchphrase	Description
My Wife	The Borat catchphrase "my wife" has been used on the show whenever someone mentions their spouse. "My wife" was not used on the show (presumed retired) between 237: Filipino Blockbuster and Best of 2013 Pt. 1. Recently, Scott has taken to referring to his wife as "my former girlfriend, whom I married," perhaps to avoid this joke. More recently, in an attempt to abandon the joke, Scott turns to saying "Friday Night Lights" with the same accent and intonation. In episode 266, Taran Killam says "my wife", at which Scott promptly interjects "we don't do that on this show anymore!"
What's Up Hot Dog?	"What's up, hot dog?" was the catchphrase Scott used to open the show in 2010. In Episode 103, Scott announced his intentions to retire the catchphrase and pay homage to it by renaming the Plugs Section the What's Up Hot Dog Memorial Plugs Section
B-b-b-b-bonus-s-s-s-s!	Starting on Best of 2011 Pt. 1 Scott and Paul have introduced bonus clips by alternatively repeating b or s respectively.
How the bread is made	This expression refers to behind-the-scenes details of the show, and originated when Scott was trying to say "how the sausage is made."
'Sclusie	When a celebrity guest drops unique information, or premiers a new story on the podcast, Scott will often refer to it as a 'sclusie, a Hollywood shortening of the word 'exclusive.'
'Tis A Consummation Devoutly To Be Wished	A line from Hamlet's "To be, or not to be" soliloquy (act 3, scene 1) in which the prince of Denmark wishes his own death. Paul F. Tompkins' characters often use this line when they kind of want something. Scott and Paul said "I'll allow it, but watch yourself, counselor" and "'Tis a consummation, devoutly to be wished" on every episode of the 2013 Tour.
I'll Allow It, But Watch Yourself, Counselor	Scott and PFT will often say this to each other, usually during games of Would You Rather? during the 2013 Comedy Bang! Bang! Tour. This line is a reference to the John Mulaney Law and Order bit about the judge who allows everything, from his 2009 album The Top Part.
Maybe It's Just Me, But For Me...	Scott often points out that his opinions may not be your opinions or the opinions of anyone else.
Thank You, Reggie Watts	On earlier episodes of the show, Scott would thank Reggie for his performance of the theme song, explaining that he traveled to the studio solely to perform the song and would leave immediately afterward.
Catchphrase Suggestions	Each episode opens with a catchphrase suggested by a listener this started ostensibly as a way to replace 'What's up, hot dog?" Originally, Scott would say that each new catchphrases "might stick" and that a poll was started to choose the new one, but it would change every episode. More recently, Scott will simply say that the catchphrase creator will be famous for a week.
Hey, come on! This is not that kind of show	Scott likes to keep the show clean and tries to avoid controversy.
Technicality-No-Down-Boo-Over!	Scott enforcing any specific point of law or specific rule.
Life is a race to death, and we all hope to come in last	Scott shows his philosophical side when pondering the true meaning of life, or whenever one of his guests mentions the concept of racing.
All Joking a Salad	Ben Schwarz said this instead of "all joking aside," possibly because his favorite side dish is salad.
Heynong Man!	This originally came from Jason "Heynong" Mantzoukas saying "hang on," and there have been several variations such as "shame nong you."

References

Reference	Description
Mos Eisley Cantina Band Song	Scott and Paul F. Tompkins have sung an a capella version of the Cantina Band song from Star Wars usually in a remix/mash up with another song eg. "Touch Me," "Skid Row" etc.
It's Been...	"It's been..." comes from The Barenaked Ladies song "One Week."
It's Been Awhile...	"It's been awhile..." comes from the Staind song, "It's Been Awhile."
That's Also True!	"That's also true!" comes from the Tenacious D song, "Kyle Quit the Band."
Mildred and Patty Hill	Scott and Paul F. Tompkins often reference the writers of "Happy Birthday" and how we all owe them money, often referring to them as "miserly old crones".
"Batdance"	Scott often mentions his favourite song "Batdance" by Prince from the Batman original soundtrack.
"Wipeout!"	Scott often sings the song "Wipeout!" and there are multiple references to the guy who laughs during the song.
The Last Episode of MASH*	Scott frequently mentions the popularity of the last episode of Mobile Army Surgical Hospital usually comparing the figures to those of other T.V. shows. This has been mentioned on the Comedy Bang! Bang! TV Show when Scott says his favourite show is the final episode of MASH*.
SaturDAY Night Live	Scott often asks former SNL castmembers about the apparant inconsistency of the show having day and night in the name, "Saturnight Live surely?"
Downtown Abbey	Scott often insists the name of Downton Abbey is actually Downtown Abbey. Usually his guests insists upon the more traditional pronunciation in particular Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Texter	Scott often references Texter which he contends is the real name of the character Dexter who died while texting and driving.
House of Pies	Scott often gets confused about the name of the show Ben Schwartz stars in sometimes calling it Shameless and even going so far as to call the live episode House of Pies Pive.
Oranges: The New Black	The show Orange is the New Black, featuring frequent guest Lauren Lapkus, is often referenced by Scott.
"Sorry!"	Scott often references the SNL sketch featuring Gilly, usually whenever Gillian Jacobs is a guest on the show.
Murderer Heaven	In Episode 236: Murderer Heaven it was established by the former Mr Richard Harrow that there are various heavens; this has been mentioned in several episodes.
Marone!	The Italian word 'madone' is often used on the show or the elongated form Marc Marone!
Five, Four, Three, Nose, One	(Liftoff Imminent) Five, Four, Three, Nose, One has been used on the show in place of conventional countdowns. Scott originated the phrase during a game of Would You Rather in Episode 76.5.
Ghostburgers	Scott has mentioned that poops are the ghosts of old burgers.
Hollywood Nights	The show is variously recorded on Hollywood days, nights, or afternoons.
Side-by-Side	A side-by-side is a type of hermaphrodite wherein a person has both sets of genitalia alongside each other. Chip Gardner is a notable side-by-side who is known to perform surgeries on homeless people to make them fellow side-by-sides.
Andy Daly Suicides	Andy Daly's characters have a tendency to commit suicide, or at the very least have suicidal thoughts. This is most evident in 148: Wipeout!
R.I.Possible	R.I.Possible is a recurring bit on the show when Scott is unsure if someone who has been brought up on the show is still alive or not.
Comedy Bang! Bang! Weather Report	Comedy Bang! Bang! Weather Report is a segment of the show in which Scott briefly discusses the weather in L.A. on the day of the recording.
No, but Improv	Scott and his guests often do scenes using the "no, but..." rule of improv this is contrary to the usual "yes, and..." rule of improv. Marissa Wompler is notably successful in Episode 116: When I Go to Queens...
Aaand Ten More Minutes	Aaand ten more minutes is used in place of "...and scene" mostly to continue a scene or a bit when it seems to be coming to its natural close. Scott has cited Ben Schwartz with coming up with this.
Open Door Policy	Scott employs an open door policy on the show, which often destroys his attempts to make the show more like WTF with Marc Maron, by conducting "actor's pain" interviews.
President Barack Hussein Obamacare	Scott often laments Barack Obama's futile attempts at giving poor people free healthcare.
"iPod/iPad, I don't know anymore!"	Scott is often confused by new technology, especially Apple products.
Computer.com	An all purpose website.
In the Biz	Biz is short for showbiz which is what people in the biz call showbusiness.
Everyone born in the 80s is in their 80s	Scott believes your age is the same as the decade you were born in.
If you're gonna Bing it use Google	Scott originally asked listeners to Google things using Bing but switched allegiance in later episodes.
Shocking Disc Jockey	Tom Leykis has been a guest but he isn't the only shocking disc jockey to be mentioned on the show.
Tear Basin	Scott often references having a tear basin in which he collects tears.
'Sip	Scott likes gossip and likes referring to it as 'sip.
If you haven't got a ha'penny, then God bless you	Variations of this line from the popular holiday song "Christmas Is Coming" will come from PFT's characters.
Haunted Theaters	All theaters are haunted.
International Waters	There are no laws on the high seas. A favorite reference of Andy Daly's characters.
You should have your improv card revoked	Often said to Matt Besser when he makes a less than stellar joke, for example in 146: Climbing the Ladder when Ben Schwartz asks "Of everything available at a Deli what sandwich would you get?" Bjork replies "A pulled Bjork sandwich."
Reference-o-meter	If Scott makes a pop culture mistake, he will often blame his reference-o-meter.
Entourage/Oh, Yeah!	Scott likes to "sing" the lyrics to the Entourage theme song ("Oh, yeah!") or ask about "the Murphy Group" in a Woody Allen voice.
Branches are trees' dicks	No explanation needed.
Look It Up Scotty! Look It Up!	Paul first sang "Look It Up Garon! Look It Up" on the Never Not Funny podcast, Scott later performed the same song. Shortly after Paul started singing look it up Scotty on Comedy Bang! Bang!
Engineer Cody: Cody	Originally mentioned on U Talkin' U2 to Me each Earwolf engineer is an engineer Cody rather than just any old regular engineer.
SFX Record	Scott often mentions he and Paul F. are starting a sound effects record. Track 9 and 12 are water being poured.
Dads and Grads	During the month of June, Scott tends to get angry by the fact that dads and grads have the month to themselves.
C+ Rating	When Scott give anything a rating, the highest possible rating he will issue is a C+. A C grade is average, while C- is the worst possible grade.

Frequently Asked Questions

FAQ	Description
May I ask a question?	Often guests want to ask other guests a question, so they casually ask if they can ask a question, to which Scott responds that no one has to ask if they can ask questions. This often comes into play in Would You Rather? before the floor has been opened for questions.
How Much Do You Make?	Scott often asks people how much money they make and he can get rather pressing when they try to be vague. While most regularly heard on Comedy Death-Ray Radio episodes, it has also been used on Comedy Bang! Bang! the TV Show.
How You Weigh?	Scott has asked his guests how they weigh several times, he sometimes adapts this to "how you fuck?" etc...
What is Your Address?	In earlier episodes Scott would ask guests exactly where they live.
What's Your Fuck Style?	Scott often enquires about his guests fuck styles. Scott asked (Adam) Scott this on the Staind Glass episode of their podcast U Talkin' U2 To Me.
How do you juggle work and family?	Scott often asks his guests this question.
Now we've never met before, have we?	Often followed up with "is this your card"?
Where are you on the call sheet?	Scott often asks his guests this question, especially when there are several guests from the same show. Scott first learned the term (after incorrectly referring to it a "call list") from Adam Scott on episode 7 of U Talkin' U2 To Me.

New Show Names

The show was originally called Comedy Death-Ray Radio but the name was changed from episode 103: These Times They Are A-Changin’ to Comedy Bang! Bang! but is often referred to by other names.

Names
Comedy Death-Ray Radio
Comedy Bang! Bang!
Comedy Fang! Fang! (Halloween Episodes)
Comedy Bing! Bong!
Comedy Big Bang Theory
Comedy Bean Bag!
Comedy Bangarang Theory
Commie Hang Hang
Comedy Deaf Guy Radio (Live from Downtown Franklin)

Would You Rather Phrases

Would You Rather usually plays out with Scott using most of the following phrases:

Phrases
Don't send suggestions to @ScottAukerman as they will be put on the Would You Rather pile, which is not like a wood pile where they would ostensibly be used.
We all know how the game is played.
There will be no warning before I close the floor for questions.
I am sorry, the floor was not open for questions.
The floor is now open for questions
Great question, this is exactly how we play the game.
That's a classic Would You Rather blunder.
I'm gonna have to dock you points for that.
This is unprecedented!
The floor is now closed. (I told you there would be no warning.)