|Number of Appearances||10|
|Played by||Lennon Parham|
|First Episode||Finger Guns|
|Latest Episode|| Dashiki Fever
Charlotte Listler is a character played by Lennon Parham. She is Marissa Wompler's teacher and leads the STARS program (unofficially). She co-hosts the WOMP It Up! podcast on the Earwolf network with Marissa Wompler.
Relationship with Marissa Wompler Edit
Listler is Marissa's mentor and STARS program instructor at Marina Del Rey High School. As a mentor, Listler conducts Marissa's physical training each morning, which consists of garbage can crawls on the football field. She also eats lunch with Marissa on the quad every day, providing the baguettes while Marissa brings soft cheese and cornichons.
Listler's teaching methods are unorthodox, and it is often implied that she is the reason Marissa is repeatedly being held back and perpetually in the 11th grade. For example, instead of simply proctoring a standardized test for Marissa's class, she encouraged the entire group of test takers to press gathered leaves from outside onto paper and submit those as their personal essays.
She was born in Kenya and raised by an African-American couple, both of whom were National Geographic photographers. She exited her mother's birth canal with so much force a nearby townswoman declared her to be a man. This could also be blamed in no small part on her large clitoris. She says that her birth documents identifying her as a man have long since been burned, much like the movie Philomena. She later joined the army as a man.
She has a son named August Wilson (named after her favorite month and the character from Home Improvement), whom she gave up for adoption.
She is currently engaged to Kareem, a 7-11 store owner she met because she loves Slushies. Previously, she had a crush on Seth Wompler, Marissa's stepfather. This attraction came to a climax when she slept over at Marissa's home and encountered Seth in the middle of the night, naked in the kitchen with his penis in a container of Fage yogurt.
She was once a sniper in Afghanistan. During that time, she would smoke marijuana to forget the "heavy shit" she witnessed there.
- Her favorite musical group is the 80's hair band Winger.
- During the eighties, while living in Detroit, she worked as a Solid Gold-style backup dancer.
- She has the ability to "B.A. Barachus" an individual to another location, leaving her subject with no memory of being abducted. She has also been known to install ports in her subjects.
- She constantly has CB radio broadcasting into one ear and NPR in the other.
- She used to have an extremely high-pitched voice, which she has described as "an old-timey bank teller who's sleeping with a mobster."
- She keeps a stash of Payday candy bars in her car, surrounded by freezer packs.